This week, week five of 40 Days, was about centering. I failed week five. I know part of this process is to avoid dwelling on my failures and to meet myself where I am without judgement, but EFF that is SO difficult. I don’t know what caused me to derail so badly this week, but this train definitely crashed and burned and hard.
I practiced, maybe, once or twice this week. I got on my mat more than that, but I just couldn’t do it for some reason. I would start and then just…quit. I meditated, maybe, 4 or 5 times, which is a decent amount since I am doing 25 minute meditations, but this week called for 2 of those a day. I didn’t get anywhere close to that, and I feel like I’ve failed. I judged my body all week long-for it’s performance (or lack thereof), for it’s appearance, for everything. On top of not being dedicated to my practice, I ate like SHIT. Like, a whole-pizza-in-a-day and a keg of beer and McDonald’s kind of SHIT. So naturally eating like shit makes you feel like shit and that doesn’t help when you’re already kind of down on yourself for failing the week.
So as I’m typing this all out, I realize that all I’m really doing is making light of how silly my perspective is right now. I’m recognizing the fact that my mood is “below the line” currently, and by acknowledging it, I’m going to pull myself above. It was a good week, and I have plenty to be thankful for, as usual. I had a good time drinking and eating that pizza, I had a good week at work, though it wore me out, I have a pot roast in the crock pot, Iron and Wine playing, and lots of possibility. I’m going to finish up my laundry, put my yoga mat on the floor, and practice. I might take a bubble bath later and drink a hot cup of coffee and read a book. I’m going to set my intentions for this week and I am going to kick it’s ass. I do believe this week’s theme is triumph, so let’s go.